Friday, October 14, 2016

family history friday Q#39

What makes you stop and go “Wow!”?
good people.
acts of service.
beautiful nature.
my husband.
my kids.
strong opinions.
new information.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

FALLing behind

sharing a computer with Jeff is not my favorite trial in the world, and although its a small trial, it makes blogging a lot more challenging. lets catch up in my typical fashion. the kind of fashion that involves bad writing and inadequate documentation skills.
Evelynn said, "mom, let me take an ugly picture of you."
and... SUCCESS.
thursday of last week i was hanging on by a thread, A THREAD i tell you. and then when Jeff came home and told me that my lost temper embarrassed him, i broke. i was barely coping, and then when i got the impression that my coping was not adequate, i just couldn't... cope. so i grabbed Jeff's car keys and left him and the kids to fend for themselves. i figured he must know how to do things better than i did, even if they weren't the way i would want them to be done... so i left. and i cried a lot. and i had no idea where i would go. i didn't feel like i knew casa grande well enough to go somewhere safe and happy, plus i didn't really want to be close enough that if he called me i could return quickly... so i went to Mesaville. and ate where i knew that my family would not eat. schlotsky's. and then i read my book of mormon. and felt better. and then i went to slickables. and sat on main street and ate my ice cream sandwich. and then searched for my next activity without any luck and begrudgingly headed home. i returned to a family who did not seem to even notice or mind my absence, and so i drew a bath in our spa tub and tried desperately to calm my nerves enough to go to sleep.

friday i woke up unresolved. but i had no choice but to move forward. Jeff was ready to make up and move on. he told me to get a sitter and that we would be going on a temple date. i didn't know how i could possibly spend time with someone that i didn't feel close to, but i found a sitter just the same and off we went. we didn't discuss our fight. but Jeff acted like there was nothing bad between us and held my hand in the car and our conversation was fine. the temple was nice and afterward we got Rubio fish tacos. the night came to a close without much resolve or conflict. but we were going through the motions, which felt like enough.

saturday was crazy. it usually is. we had a pancake breakfast to attend for scouting, and we took Lindy along. it was... not the wisest choice. but we had good conversation with ward folk and then came home to get chores done. that night my friend Cammi took me to the food trucks in Casa Grande and we gabbed for three hours. Cammi is the opposite of my insecure, dramatic self and it was nice to be with someone so confident and practical. when i got home, Jeff was working on a church project and had just read some of his new book "the man's guide to women" and was ready to talk and listen. i poured out my soul to him and cried a lot. we were back.

sunday started with my attendance at ward council, my first time ever. it left me speechless. during sacrament meeting, i felt a very strong nudging from the spirit to get up and share my testimony, and finally, at the very end, i rushed up and blurted out things and was a blubbering mess. i felt embarrassed, but Jeff said he enjoyed it. during Primary i found myself helping with the sunbeams, yet again, and this time we had to combine them with CTR4. i was at my wits end and then decided to ask for help... so i grabbed Jeff to come and help me with my class. he agreed and we survived just fine. coming home from church was less than fantastic because per usual Jeff took a nap, the kids were wild banshees, and i had a messy house and a meal to make. my ankles felt like giant tree trunks and somehow we all survived the night.

Monday was a SUPER CRAZY DAY! i woke up super late and Jeff left super early. i was scrambling around trying to get my kids fed and ready and lunches packed and then i got a text from a lady who needed a ride to scottsdale, and i wanted to help her, but i knew it was going to be TIGHT, especially because i would have to go directly from the drop-off to pick her up and then after i took her, i would try to get my grocery shopping done with the three kids while she was at her appointment and then i would take her home, unload my stuff, and rush back to pick up kids from school and fix dinner and have family night. i agreed to take her, though, and then my blood pressure sky rocketed through the roof and i was screaming at all the kids to get in the car and trying to run around like a crazy getting my stuff together, diaper bag packed, and the dog fed with enough water and food to last her the day outside. as i got to the school i was POSITIVE that we wouldn't make it to the gate in time and that i would have to park and walk my kids in to get tardy slips, which would put me even further behind! but then by a MIRACLE we literally BARELY made it before the gates closed. and i sighed in relief and drove on, prepared to pick up my friend in need. suddenly, however, i felt a jolt and heard a smash, and i screamed, "WHAT IS HAPPENING? AAAAAAH!" and then i realized i had been rear-ended. shocked and shaking, i pulled over.
a man came right up to me, "What on earth happened?"
he was asking ME? i was just driving!
"it was like, stop and go and stop and go!" he complained.
um... yeah, welcome to the drop off line! "you bumped into me...." i told him cautiously as i sat in my seat... i wasn't sure what the protocol was.
"i need your phone, i left mine at home. i need to call my wife- she is at home sick, we have all these medical problems lately and now i am finally trying to get back to work and THIS happens..." he was upset.
"wow. i'm sorry, um... let me use my phone first and then you can use it." he seemed annoyed with my answer but i was worried about giving him my phone. it seemed kind of rude of him. i called Jeff first for instruction, then without even notifying them, the police showed up. i gave him my phone and then waited for the cops to address me. they did. and i texted my friend that i could no longer come. that was when i felt like maybe this whole thing was a tender mercy... it forced me to simplify my day. eventually everything got written up and we all left the scene. the day went on without any shopping and i just sat back and survived. i took things slow and easy. i tried to relax. and then we had a little family night that evening.

Tuesday was equally odd. Jeff left early to go shooting with his bestie: lee. as they were heading to breakfast he got a call from his boss, BEGGING him to do a night shift. he gladly accepted and then called me to inform me of the change in our day. that was when i realized i would not have to go grocery shopping with the kids! i was elated. again- a very strange but needed tender mercy. yes, that night was long and difficult without his help, and brought back lots of memories of our previous life, but i still felt grateful that my shopping trip was without tag-a-longs.  after his shift, he came home and felt sympathetic to my exhausted state... i had blacked out earlier and now i had a headache and lots of swelling. he took over and served me and then tucked me in bed. i felt cared for.

yesterday was meant to be a good day, but i found it difficult to be a fun mom. i spent the morning bathing the dog and cleaning her cage, etc, while trying to get our house in order. then i grabbed the kids from school, let them pick a picnic lunch and attempted to eat it at the park. we had been there for five minutes and suddenly everyone had to use the bathroom. so we packed up and headed to the library so they could pee and then i tried to make the most of our time there. i became super tired and kept nodding off, so i loaded everyone up and went home to try and relax before dinner. since it was fall break, i put on a movie, busted out the freezer pizza and called it a night. Jeff went to scouts and did homework.

and today? today i spent my entire day at my kids' school. first for parent conferences and then for volunteer hours at the book fair. it was a very different day- no kids- just adult interaction. it was a good change of pace and then i came home and faced the music. after dinner together, Jeff wanted to catch up with school, so i did the bedtime alone and tidied up, while he used my computer. it was an alright day, i must say.
currently doin' just fine in school. also? very boy crazy.

currently passionate about doing his very best at all times. really coming a long way.

adored by her teacher and fantastic little artist. 

tune in next time as i fill you in on our fall break adventures.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Family History Friday #38

What scares you?

many things. 
roaches are the obvious. still a phobia i seek to overcome.

angry people. 

SOOOOO many ways to fail.

this list will have to suffice.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

a super birthday

Walter has been asking for things for his birthday for about a month or longer. every time we went to a store of any kind he would request anything and everything that looked remotely exciting. Gladys would always chime in, too, which made for VERY exciting times at all stores. the most ridiculous fight they had that comes to mind, was when there was a picture of tic-tacs of various flavors on a shopping cart and Walter said he wanted the rainbow ones and Gladys said SHE wanted the rainbow ones and this brought about WW VI (because we straight up passed over all the other numbers).

because of the build up of this birthday i didn't quite know what to expect from him. i tried to ask in advance for his expectations, but he simply didn't think deeply enough to answer anything.

as his birthday approached, Jeff told me that he wanted to get all the gifts. this annoyed me a great deal because i felt i knew EXACTLY what to get him because i spend every waking hour with the kid. but Jeff has a 'thing' about gift-giving to his children and just HAD to purchase the gifts, so he bought three and left one more for me. i rolled my eyes and went with it.

anyways, today his birthday finally came. and it was a pleasant surprise in many ways.

first it began with balloons and opening his presents from us and Grammy. he seemed quite pleased with everything, even with all the excitement from the other siblings, and he really felt loved. the most touching part of it all was when Charlie presented HIS gift to walter, which he had decided upon all his own. he presented an altoid box with a sticky note which said, "to walter from charlie" and inside he placed two of his favorite jewels from his treasure box. Walter gave Charlie a hug and both of them seemed to feel a mountain of love for one another. it was super sweet and unforgettable.

for breakfast we ate cinnamon rolls (because walter would not give me ideas of what he truly wanted) and we sang happy birthday with candles to him because Jeff would not be around for the cake later. and then we watched his birthday movie, which honestly just brings back such a flood of memories and all of them are so tumultuous and so it made me feel all kinds of guilt just thinking about the beginning of his life. but regardless of my tearful emotion, everyone seemed to enjoy the cute baby pictures and music.

next we hustled everyone off to school and my super grumpy side emerged per usual. but i stuck to my plan and let Walter dictate our car ride and music. Gladys didn't like this at all, but we lived. after drop off, i headed to a spot that i decided would work for his bday pictures. which... honestly... was super creepy and i was just waiting for someone to murder us. but we lived! and i like how some of them turned out:

then, we came home and Walter spent forever playing with and enjoying his toys. he seriously was just in heaven playing with each and every one of them. he never once begged for a movie or a snack. it was lovely. eventually i asked him what he wanted for lunch and he told me a sandwich. so we sat and ate together and then he was off again to play endlessly with his new toys.
endless fun in the dirt with a new tractor that looks just like dad's

new legos

bubbles of joy

soon it came time to grab people from school, which was difficult for walter because he wanted to stay and play forever, but we made it back home soon enough and he began his happy playing again. of course i had to ruin his life and ask him what he wanted for dinner, and he picked Mcdonalds at the park. we got a package right as we were leaving, from Grandma and Grandpa Decker, so we took the package with us and headed out.
a new book that lets you trace

at the park the kids made some grand friends and walter opened his gifts and everyone had a lovely time- the weather was even kinda nice!

when we got home we finished off his day with cake and called it good.
all he wanted was a chocolate chocolate cake.

this reminded me of matilda...

bruce boggtrotter or roger? 

i think the day was a success.
happy birthday my sweet boy. i love you. xo